Self-Forgiveness
Mental Peace | Mental Wellness
I have a question for you my lovely friend…
“Why do you forgive everyone but yourself ?”
Forgiveness. A word that can sound so easy, yet can be one of the most painful things you ever have to express or say.
What is forgiveness? Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person(s) or situation that has physically or mentally harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness... Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. Forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him or her from corrosive anger. While there is some debate over whether true forgiveness requires positive feelings toward the ‘offender’, most agree that it at least involves letting go of deeply held negative feelings. In that way, it empowers you to recognise the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life.
Now to some (myself included) above is just a bunch of words that don’t make me actively want to forgive anymore than I did before.
It took me a long time to understand what it actually means to forgive someone. I always wondered how I could forgive someone who chose to hurt me? But after a lot of soul searching, I realised that forgiveness is not about accepting or excusing someones behaviour. It’s about letting it go and preventing their behaviour from destroying my heart anymore than I’d already allowed it.
So if we can eventually make ourselves capable of forgiving someone else for doing us over… why is it that much harder to forgive ourselves?
You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or even years over-analysing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've or would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move on.
I believe for the majority of us, we’ve all had that moment where we wished we’d done something differently. Wished or begged for our choices to have had a different impact or outcome. And instead of accepting the circumstances and moving on, we allow ourselves to live in constant resentment of our own reflection. And with that can come so much pain. Your mind becomes constantly full of - ‘I’ll never be good enough’, ‘I'm rubbish at my job’, ‘I’m never going to succeed’, ‘I’m so stupid’, ‘I deserved what happened’, ‘I’m an awful parent, sibling or friend’, ‘I’m unattractive’, ‘I can’t do it’, ‘why bother’, ‘nobody loves me’…. the list can go on if you want…?
Where dose the road end? When does the pain stop?
The road will end and the pain can stop when you decide it’s okay. When you can truly acknowledge that situation… you know the one I mean… When you can truly look at it and see it for what it is. It may not have been the finest moment in your life’s journey, but it’s written in a chapter nonetheless.
In our lives, there is always a choice. Evolve or Remain.
Right now you are being presented with a choice: evolve or remain. If you choose to remain unchanged, you will be presented with the same challenges, the same routine, the same storms, the same situations, the same demons, the same words, until you learn from them. Until you love yourself enough to say “no more”. Until you choose change.
If you choose to evolve, you will connect with the strength within you. You will explore what lies outside of the combat zone. You will awaken to love. You will become. You will BE. You have everything you need. Choose to evolve my lovely friend. Choose to love and be loved (even by yourself). Choose to FORGIVE.
Forgiveness begins when heartache turns into a prayer, because we can no longer carry it. In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you.
I wish I could tell you what’s going to happen. Help you along the way. But if there’s one thing I would do, it would be to help you break free.
Break free from the pressure to fit into your box.
Break free from comparing yourself to everyone.
Break free from the self-hate left by someone else.
Break free from hating all that you aren't .
Break free from believing that you aren’t special or strong enough.
Please know that you are special and you most certainly are strong enough. You’re a masterpiece at heart and one day I hope you recognise and appreciate your worth.
I wish I could hold your hand as you walk along this journey of learning to love and care for yourself. But I already know how strong and capable you are. You don’t need me.
Never stop fighting. Never stop learning. Never stop loving.
It may all seem impossible right now, but I promise one day you will see the change. But first you must choose to be the change. You must choose to forgive.